I'm a girl who past few years over-compensating for the inadequacy and social anxiety of my teenager years, as a result I felt like easy to meet anybody I wanted, attract anybody I wanted, be friends with anybody I wanted, love anybody I wanted, even get attention from anybody I wanted.
So why would I ever commit to a single thing, a single belief, or even a single person? I mean, If I could experience everything, then I could experience them all equally, right?
But life is strange, isn't it?
To experience everything, by itself, means nothing. It seemed both profound yet so meaningless at the same time.
I could say that it is possible for me to experience more and more. But more is not always better. In fact, I'm actually happier with less.
The more I'm overloaded with opportunities and options, the less satisfied I become with whatever I choose, because I'm aware that the other options are potentially forfeiting. I will likely wondering if I really made the right choice or not. And the desire for certainty and perfection, only makes me anxious and unhappy.
I'm not saying that having a lot of experience is a bad thing. Yes, tons of experience is necessary and desirable especially when I was younger. But the thing is : The older I get, the more experienced I get, the less new experience affects me.
Now, I get that I have to reject all but the very best people and experiences and values in my life. I have to examine my standards.
Circle got smaller, vision got larger.
Absolute freedom is meaningless, but a narrowing freedom, a choice to commit to one thing, is truly meaningful.
Yes, there's a freedom and liberation in commitment. And I have to stay committed to something and go deep to it. I know it sounds basic, I know it sounds boring. But that's true in building a great lifestyle, in everything. By now, I will switch the question "what do I want to enjoy?" with "what pain do I want to sustain?".
Commitment is dangerous, I know that. It means I care about one thing deeply, and the thing I care about are what makes life worth living.
And oh, what's wrong with living dangerously? :)
